Reflections with Tamala

tamala (1)Tamala Findley is an author, wife, and mother of two that enjoys reading, singing, meditating, and spending time with her family. She is looking forward to becoming Dr. Findley as she completes the final phase of her Doctoral program.

Looking Back

When she was just 13 she watched her family fall apart. Pleading with her father to stay left her with the impression that no matter how much you love someone, they will still leave you.

The search for love continued as she began seeing an older guy when she was 16. After a year of dating, Tamala allowed him to stay overnight when her mother was out of town. This remains one of her biggest regrets. As they were lying in her bed he began to remove her panties and proceeded to rape her. For years, she blamed herself for allowing him to spend the night. Once again, she was reminded that no matter how much she begged and pleaded, she just didn’t matter.

Facing the Past

These events cause Tamala to question her purpose for being created. She had low self-esteem and felt worthless. In her mind, the only thing any man wanted from her was sex so she would rather give them what they wanted instead of fight it.

To numb the pain she began to smoke and drink, and eventually attempted suicide. Not only did she believe no one loved her, but she also thought God didn’t love her because He was just like any other man in her life. After taking a bottle of prescription pills she laid on the floor in tears, asking God why He made her.

Moving Forward

In 2005, Tamala stopped smoking and drinking, went to counseling, and gave her life to God. Of course she wishes the events had not happened but now she understands why they did. The pain gave Tamala her power! Power to live and power to love! Those events allowed her to see there is no love greater than God’s. Just when she was done with life, God didn’t let her go. He showed her just how much she meant to Him.

Tamala’s W.O.W.

No matter what, know that you matter, know that you have a purpose, know that you are beautiful, know that you are loved, and know that God has you in His hands. God did not create you to be used, abused, walked on, or mistreated. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to stand alone and walk away, but right there on the other side is your blessing! God will take care of you!